Wednesday 15 April 2009

April 12, Easter Sunday

Now Jesus was a sailor
When he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching
from his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain
Only drowning men could see him
He said "All men will be sailors then
Until the sea shall free them"
But he himself was broken
long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human
He sank beneath your wisdom
like a stone.

And you want to travel with Him
And you want to travel blind
'Cause you think maybe you can trust Him
'Cause He's touched your perfect body
with His mind.

- from 'Suzanne', Nina Simone

April 12th, Easter Sunday
Day 40. Forty days and forty nights. Wasn't Jesus tested for forty days and nights at Gethsemane?
The central line tubing in my jugular was placed successfully but the three access tubes connected to the main catheter weigh heavy on my neck. The last four days have been so unbearable that I too felt that I have been abandoned and forsaken by the One I trusted to watch over me and ease my suffering.
Today it is a little less unbearable inspite of the high fevers, mouth and throat ulcers, necrotising lymphadenitis, glaucoma, pericardial effusions, heart murmur, thrombophlebitis, left axilla biopsy...
Just writing all that makes me smile (don't worry, I haven't lost my mind) - because I am proud of my own intelligence! Proud to string together sentences which contain words like 'axilla' and 'jugular'. And so very proud to have been able to explore medicine under the aegis of a man like my father. Not only a highly respected consultant in Bombay and a skillful diagnostician, but a man whose faith runs deeper than space or time.
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