Saturday, 6 February 2016

ABOUT A HORSE

About a Horse

The reins put me off. That direct link to slavery. 
A master designing a halter especially for his slave. Adjustable.

And I think the mare knew this. And sensed I was no leader. 
Or maybe she forgot about me, light-boned girl child on her 

inverted lap. All she heard was the lowing of a distant cow
and some nascent memory of her own made her bolt. 

It’s always been this way. I signal weakness.
You don’t need to be human 

to know I am scared of you. 
You can be animal too. 

There were many of us there that day.
But when it was you bolting, and me 

clinging on, my fingers in your mane, my thighs 
gripping your haunches, where did they go? 

Where were you going? 
How did we survive?

The irony was this: we had come to the end of our time 
together. We had had our neat and tidy

trot around the rough red tracks, and now we were gathering 
to part. My brothers had had their gallops (they preferred 

gallops, I did not; you were chosen for your sedate pace)
and I was ready for solid ground

but

I was tied to you: my feet in your stirrups. I was already leaning, 
arms outstretched for the lifting up, over, down

when you decided to run.

How long do horses live? You were a hill station, holiday 
treat horse. You were real; there is a picture of us. 

I was always scared. You were always gentle. 
Until that day. 

I wish I could remember your name. But what then? 
You never knew mine - did you?

Did I call out your name when I begged you to 
stop? You heard nothing, it seemed, only wind,

and whatever was driving you on. Did you hear
me scream, Bachao! Bachaobecause I could see 

hill station women, babies wrapped snug, safe 
in their mother’s arms, and I was, you were,

thundering further and further from mine?

It wasn’t my mother who saved me. Or a stranger’s
It was you. All I had to do was hold on

until you ran out of fear, and I heard your heartbeats
allargando, adagio, adagissimo. Last week, I thought of you 

during a Beethoven concert, and talked about you 
in the interval, and tried to convey something of our ride 

into nothingness and how everything became clear 
when you finally cantered to a halt.

He found us there, your trainer, but I can’t remember my rescue. 
You were docile by then, chewing wild grass by the verge, 

acting as though nothing had happened,
as though you often ran for your life, and to your 

death: a ritual
you practiced for some final victory.


© Shaista Tayabali, 2015
Entered in dverse poets pub for their Open Link night and will also be published on herstory blog.

14 comments:

Jennifer Wagner said...

A fabulous read. I truly enjoyed the way you've told this story.

brudberg said...

What a story... I was there with you on the bolting horse.. and I have been there once too.

Marcoantonio Arellano said...

like brudberg stated...i could also feel the horse between my thighs pressed scared and tight against its flanks while it was running wildly. this was a grand read.

your reference to adagio and Beethoven only provided more fodder to the experience.

gracias. hope you're feeling well today

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh such a wild ride. You told it so well, I could feel it all - as I remembered a similar incident when I was twelve and my horse bolted. A fence lay ahead and I thought, in he moment, she would leap over it and I was ready, but thankfully she stopped short. After that, I was put off horses. I tried riding once again when I was 27, and then no more. But I do love horses, there are three where we live, one thirty years old, who nearly died last weekend but amazingly pulled through. Gentle beings, so wise. I most liked the link between the harness and slavery. It is true, we dominate these beautiful creatures, whose genetic memory must remember long ago times of freedom.

Kate Mia said...

Humans
Domestic..
Wild as
Wolves..
sMiLes
oN a
dog's
face.. Sitters..
Rovers.. aLL
animals
including
uS.. no
different
reAlly outside..
excuses from
culture..
Nature
SinGS
true
and free
moving sitting
one and sAme..:)

avecwings said...

You write so over whelmingly well, i cant find words fit enoygh to appreciate your art.

Jeanne-ming Brantingham said...

you took me on this ride too. brilliant

Shaista said...

Thank you Jennifer. Glad you enjoyed it.

Shaista said...

Not a pleasant experience at all! But, as Nora Ephron once said, 'Everything is copy' 😊

Shaista said...

Hola Marco, glad you could feel the pace and terror - it was one of the scariest experiences of my life. But I'm glad I was able to write about it.

Shaista said...

That's the strangest part of it - the fact that they do seem incredibly gentle and wise, and yet we have these terrifying experiences. Clearly they want to be free. Of us, perhaps.

Shaista said...

If you'd really been on that ride I wouldn't have been scared!

Shaista said...

Wow thank you so much for saying so!

Shaista said...

I like that we are wild as wolves and part of singing nature...

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