THE ART OF ASKING (Book Review)

I have just returned from a week in the Algarve, Portugal - I am slightly woozy with exhaustion and the particular effects of intense sun on a lupus body. I feel parched and floaty at the same time; also satisfied and enriched with love and learning. It was a family holiday. Our first grown-up sibling holiday, with four children. It was hectic. And as with all the best holidays, I had a book to retire with, to curl inside, every night.

The Art of Asking is relevant to all of us, artists and non-artists (if any of us are non-artists, which I suspect we aren't - everyone makes art and beauty somehow, in some way) because we are all afraid of rejection, of being turned down, or most poignantly, because we simply don't know or can't imagine what we can ask for. We want, but we don't know how to ask for it, whom to ask, where to look for help. In my life, dependent as I am on so many people for love and support, worrying about how I will finance myself in some future universe where I am alone and hoping The Books will manifest themselves, I am learning to ask. To be unafraid. To Take The Donuts. Palmer tells us of the recent literary anecdote that has 'rocked' the lovers of Henry David Thoreau - the magic of Walden has been dimmed for some because of the discovery that Thoreau was not quite as alone and self-sufficient as his book implies. On Sundays, his mother and sister brought him a  basket of freshly baked goods, including doughnuts. He took the donuts (American word, American spelling).

Take the Donuts, Palmer pleads with her readers. Take the help. Ask for the help. And then watch the dots connect themselves in your life. Watch the net of loyalty, trust, compassion, understanding, love, tighten. We need each other. Especially when we think we don't. Especially when we are writers, and the expectation of our imaginary audience is that The Book will simply write itself while we are on an island, locked away in a shed or disconnected from the pulse of human chaos. Artists need help: food, shelter, money, hugs, perspective, inspiration, friends. Asking for help is part of the art. Offering the help is part of the art. One cannot exist without the other.

I love this book, but if it's not your thing, here is the book condensed into a thirteen minute TED talk that rightfully went viral...

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Amanda Palmer: The art of asking

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Do You Know How To Draw Camels?

The most significant step you can take to turn your life around is to learn how to draw camels.

- Phil, and Clyde the Camel

Finally, after weeks of waiting and watching, the skies have opened, and the rain is tumbling down. Sitting on the ledge beside the conservatory, I let the rain soak in. Outside, the birch and cherry are dancing and carousing, like Rafael yesterday, little arms and legs busting moves to hip hop beats and lullabies alike... chuckling, gurgling, squirming in the happy wet of bath time.

This morning marked the passing of the last of my father's brothers. On such a day, to the sound of rain, grief melts quietly away. On such a day, with the sound of rain, words stumble on the page.

Like my father, Uncle Mustafa spent many years in Zanzibar, East Africa, and recalled in great detail, and with pleasure, the names of places for my brother's recent pilgrimage there. Marriage proposals aside, Rizwan's work in Africa continues apace. His ability to inspire, motivate and challenge fellow beings is evident in this blog called How To Draw Camels, the premise of which is to teach the world how to draw camels while showcasing and supporting social enterprises and entrepreneurs in West Africa. I am quite fascinated by this blog, not least because of the high regard the author holds my brother in :) Here is what he wrote:
Someone you should know: Rizwan Tayabali
It is because of him that this site exists. Not only did he provide motivation, he offered invaluable guidance in developing the site and the project. He did not ask for anything in return. Rizwan travels around the world offering pro bono consulting to social enterprises. It is stunning how much ground he has covered. Most recently, he has been in Southern Africa. Before that, it was Southeast Asia. I encourage you to check out his work and spread his vision. He has been incredibly inspiring to me personally and I think a lot of people would benefit from seeing how he spends his days.

Well. Oh well, if someone writes such glowing words about my brother...!! In Bamako, Mali, a trickle of water emerges into basins which are dry by afternoon. So much rain bucketing down around me, while women walk miles, pumps are needed, new water solutions... you all know this story. So let's learn how to draw camels together! Let's buy an organic Bactrian Camel T-shirt! Watching my younger brother and sister teach little Rafi how to do everything while learning so much about trust and faith and practical parenting solutions themselves, I really understand the simple creativity of this idea. You may start with just a squiggle, a tadpole of a face that looks nothing like anything recognisable, or with this:

and, then, with a little bit of practice, move niftily on to this...

Or from this (who looks more anxious? Grandfather or grandson?):

to this :)