Wednesday 24 November 2010

The Irony of Seeing

I have not been sleeping well lately. Actually, most nights I can't or don't know how to fall asleep at all. Long after dawn breaks, I eventually lose consciousness, but I feel as though I have travelled eons in those first hours. I find it almost impossible to unplug myself from the world of Other People's Stories. There are so many faces in my mind, so many voices, strangers for the most part, but for one essential, often tragic or dramatic moment, imprinted on my soul. Do you feel this way? With news streaming and swirling from around the globe, and networking sites, blogs, books, and articles, opinions have opinions and there is so much to concentrate on all the time. So many to pray for, so many to worry for, so many to be glad for. How does one manage to extricate one's mind from today's visually and verbally intense communication? I cannot retreat to a monastery - I already live in seeming solitude. I cannot bring myself to read less - I already read far less than I ever did. Or at least it seems that way, because then, there were 'only' books. Now... 

And it won't subside. How can it? Why should it? This is global awareness. And it is vital. I have to find a way to stay deeply interconnected, without losing my mind entirely to the sea of human suffering, human thought and voice. 

Perhaps it is winter. Perhaps I have not walked in the garden enough. Perhaps I should follow in father's footsteps, and just walk, walk blindly out into that human sea, knowing the grave responsibilities that surround me, but pretending anyway, that I am free. 

I remember now. Faith.

from Gregory Colbert's Ashes and Snow Project 


Lele said...

Love reading your posts Shaista! I´m feeling this way right now, sounds like i´m one of the faces in your mind ;) but I promise that I won´t cause you nightmares :)
The world is overwhelming and we catch and pressure ourselves in this ocean of information, connections, concerns... no doubt that you are doing your part to bring change and…maybe you should think on how many lives you have been impacting with your beautiful writings and poetries..they are transformative, believe me. besides ‘faith’, you represent ‘kibô’ for us (kibô = hope in Japanese). stay cool? quickly sleep recover for you :) xx Elenice

Cloudia said...

Reiki has changed my life!
It's not cognitive - it's about energy in the body...

seriously. Wish I'd gotten into it years earlier...and the insight? Mindblowing

Aloha from Waikiki

Comfort Spiral



Cinquefoil said...

Thank you once again for this beautiful piece of writing. I think I understand what you're thinking, and have often wondered the same myself. And yes, I believe monastery is not an option, though I myself have many times entertained an idea of moving into a lighthouse up there by the Arctic Sea...:)

But the thing is, the world is everywhere, and peace can only be found inside ourselves. I hope you find enough to be able to sleep, and give your hardworking mind some rest. A friend of mine also recommended Reiki to me, maybe that would be an option...

Peace and Love.

Ruth said...

It's a beautiful heart you reflect here. Yours. It does take constant monitoring, to take in what happens around the world, and close to home too, and to stay in tune with our own peaceful center-heart. You provide that peace here, but it comes at a cost to you, since your writings are a result of the process you choose by loving so many and feeling their hurts among your own.

This Ashes & Snow film is so incredibly moving and beautiful, a gift to us by a friend. I view it as a meditation, one of many that help me find that center. In fact, with your reminder today, I think I will watch this now, before a rather hectic, though loving, Thanksgiving holiday.

I don't think you celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK, but Happy Thanksgiving to you, Shaista. I'm so thankful for you.

Shaista said...

@Lele, domo arigato gozaimasu!!!
Thanks to reading your comment just before sleeping, I had my first peaceful night in a long time... I will try to keep representing kibô for you :)

Shaista said...

@Cloudia @ Cinquefoil - Yes, I practise Reiki, and have been doing so for almost a decade. But I shall try to practise with even greater clarity. Thankyou!

Shaista said...

@Ruth, dearest of teachers, Happy Thanksgiving - for you!!
I love Ashes and Snow... it truly is a gift from Colbert to the world. Just waiting to be used for meditation.

Lisa said...

Hi Shaista, I had not visited because I had stopped blogging for a while. I thought of you.

Your writing and concern is beautiful, like the person you are. I don't sleep well too at times, but it is because my mind is too racy thinking about things in "my" life. As a matter of fact it is racy all day long. I have to try to calm it down and clear it, for the five daily prayers.

Relyn Lawson said...

Hello, you. I found my way back to you to say hello and to wish you a belated Happy Thanksgiving. Oh, Shaista, I have missed you. I trust you are well and happy. Sending you love.

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