Saturday 18 August 2012


It's all a mask
It's all a mask
It falls apart
so easily

It's paint on wood
It's just a face
It comes away
too easily
Hang it high, for effect
It's really just for show
Or look behind, if you prefer
It's just a piece of hollow

Would you care
to step inside
And give me eyes
and life and light?

I'll understand
it's just for a while
But your insight
might make me smile.

Too many weeks of fever, and ulcers and pain have woken the fibromyalgia beast again. Somehow my face falls apart and try as I might to stitch the threads together, this place is too fearful even for me. Some hours into waiting at the Accident and Emergency department yesterday, I lost my smile. The emergency medic finally let me go late last night because I couldn't bear to be admitted. Not then. 
I am trying to tell myself that my other face, my smiling face, is still there. When the waters clear, I will see her, and cling to her fiercely. Why does she ever leave me? I will never understand. 


Cloudia said...

Sending you healing & Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
> < } } ( ° >

Sherry Blue Sky said...

It's understandable, Shaista, when you are in that much pain. You dont have to always be heroic, as you are most of the time. I didnt know you had fibro too - me too, chronic fatigue, fibro, and a host of other auto immune things- they seem to come in bunches. Sounds like you had an especially horrible attack. I'm so sorry. Hope some rest helps you. Keep us posted, okay?

Marcoantonio Arellano (Nene) said...

Shaista, I'm sure somewhere inside that beautiful smile is resting awaiting for that moment of reprieve from pain. It shall evince with greater glee and it will set you free.

I'm thinking good thoughts and recovery for you, mi amiga.

I join Cloudia and Sherry and many other heart warming hearts to wish you a moment of calm and peace without pain.

Oya's Daughter said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling rough - I had a similar week or so where moving was just impossible and my "I'm fine" mask just wasn't going to hold. So I took it off - because people who know me know I don't need to wear the damn thing anyway.

Breathe, drink tea, rest. Practice the art of Doing Nothing.

Ruth said...

I am so so sad and sorry. I'm concerned that you weren't admitted, though it is utterly understandable that you couldn't bear it. I hope you can be seen quickly, without waiting through hours of emergency cases again. Relief soon, please God.

Rakesh Biswas said...

Beautiful poem Shaista!

best, rakesh

avecwings said...

ooo plzz dnt let urself fall apart. u r a souce of strength to many u may nt even knw. I pray that God sends a miracle ur way. Ameen.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

I LOVE your header photo, by the way! Lovely!Any better today, kiddo?

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