Tuesday 26 July 2011

Scintillating Scotoma (Firework in my Eyes)

Klimt's Fulfillment, 1909
Let me see
if I can make
poetry out of this
Let me see
if I can whisk
fear out of this

Scintillating Scotoma -
I like the way it fits
the visual fire,
the zig zagging
shimmering quagmire
of this.

Hold still,
my whirling dervishes,
so I can count you,
             claim you,
             calm you
Hold still,
so I can draw you,

We aren't the first
to do this.

- Shaista, 2011

Remember I told you I was having a funny time with my eyes? Last evening, I had an MRI scan to check my brain wasn't harbouring anything illicit. Lying in the white tube with earmasks on, warned kindly by the radiographer that "It will be very noisy!" I thought about Amal. (I wrote her a poem last year called Crossing Borders). I realised that all children of Gaza and other war torn areas, who have shrapnel discovered by MRI scans, lie in just this tube, listening to just this machine gun fire exploding near their head. How doubly, horrifyingly scary for them.
Thinking about Gaza perhaps didn't exactly help, because post scan and dye injection, I had a bit of a turn, and it was all oxygen masks, canula in my vein, briskly wheeled off to A&E. But then... aha! The emergency doctor on call lit up when he discovered he could write POET in his notes, as he had, of late, been craving poetry. Naturally I recited a couple of poems (the one about my mother holding the steering wheel, and the one about the team of medical 'ologists haunting me - he liked that!), and then, as a treat, the doctor responded by letting me see the mind bending technology of my MRI images. I look a weird little alien in X ray language!! Think I'll stick to poetry :)


Unknown said...

I always admire how you respond to scary, stressful situations with poetry and grace.

Keep us posted on how you are doing, my friend.

Sherry Blue Sky said...

You respond with grace,humor and optimism, indeed, dear Shaista. Do let us know the results. Your `bit of a turn`must have been scary.I love it that you thought of the children of Gaza.

Jeanne-ming Brantingham said...

I too love that your first thoughts are about others whenever you are in trouble yourself. The creator of the universe has a plan for you becasue you are an angel.

~love your doctor! Now that's a healer.

Gigi Thibodeau said...

Wow, what a post, Shaista! Just as others have commented, I love that you broaden your lens to think of others even as you are in the midst of your own challenges. Such empathy is a rare gift, indeed. And that emergency doctor sounds like he shares your gift!

I hope the MRI results are good ones. xoxo Gigi

* said...

Mercy, grace, Gaza, and MRIs.

I hope your eyes (and whole self) are well, and that your hope (and ours) helps buoy you up.

Shaista said...

Anna, Sherry, Jeanne-ming, Gigi, Terresa - thankyou so much for your lovely words. I suspect the MRI was alright or perhaps the doctor wouldn't have been larking around with the scan, letting me take a photo? But I shall keep you posted.

Jeanne-ming and Gigi - I instructed the doc to read my blog so hopefully he will see your nice comments :)

Terresa - your hope does buoy me up and so does the prospect of your return to the UK!!

Jillayne said...

This is a beautiful and thought provoking post, and your poetry is the best part.
I am so glad you visited my blog so That I in turn could find you. I am going to enjoy reading through your previous posts.
Poetry was exceptionally important to me as a child and teenager but I seem to have lost it somewhere along the way. I have an idea that your blog will bring it back to me.

Toria said...

More poetry please, darling.xxx

Relyn Lawson said...

I've been a blogging slacker lately. Jeffrey and Sloane were gone for two weeks and I spent that time revelling in being alone, house projects, and silence. Now we are am on a looooong road trip. We're in Arizona now and I have a bit of time on the computer - finally! I was having withdrawls from being away from my blogger buddies so long, I tell you. I hope your summer gets better and better as it wears on. Love to you and yours.

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